The shadows under his eyes have etched themselves in so deeply now that they're never going to go away.

But Pete Townshend has given up worrying about the way he looks.

Anyone who lived the kind of life he did for twenty years is simply lucky to be alive.

As he says: "I survived, but most of my friends are dead."

Townshend, who was 40 last week, admits that for years he was obsessed with his appearance.

Confusion

"As a child, I had a very strange relationship with my mother. She was very beautiful and married a good-looking man, then had this very ordinary kid.

"She was very loving but I could sense her confusion and disappointment. I think I felt I had to prove something to her.

"So in the end I decided that because I couldn't change the way I looked, I would become a millionaire."

Townshend explores his relationship with his mother and other delicate matters in his book Horse's Neck* to be published tomorrow.

It is a series of complex, beautiful short stories and essays, heavily influenced by his life on the road.

He started writing it shortly after the break up of The Who.

"It's not an exorcism," he says, "But after all those flag-waving years, all that idealism, I wanted to look at things more deeply. It was a kind of discovery. I didn't realise how warped I'd become.

"The music business is so powerful and corrupt that it must eventually leave it's marks on you."

The marks on Townshend are evident, although he is a changed man since the last time we met, two years ago, when his drug-taking ended in a near-fatal collapse.

Then he was pale-faced and drawn, and painfully thin.

The shock of realising how low he'd got was what finally brought him back.

He says: "I started thinking later, well why did I get involved with heroin? And I realised I was tailor-made for it.

Secrecy

"Rather than tackle the world, I was one of the people responsible for building a wall around the tiny world of rock and roll.

"No one could dictate to us. We were both above and below the law.

"The heroin world is very similar. The addict doesn't connect with you and I, only with other addicts."

By talking openly about his drug problems, Pete hopes to break down the barrier of secrecy, which he feels is crucial to breaking addiction.

He believes the Campaign against drugs in the Sunday Mirror, which has joined forces with the BBC and Esther Rantzen to produce a Drugwatch programme, is valuable.

But he admits: "In the end you just have to throw up your hands and hope."

Solo disc

These days Pete leads a quiet but busy life, appearing at Faber Books every Tuesday where he works as an editor, and running his Thames-side music studio.

He is recording a solo album to be released later this year but steers clear of the rock establishment.

He thinks the business has changed. "Boy George, Duran Duran, Spandau Ballet ... I don't think any of them will be around in 20 years like Mick Jagger is now."

Townshend adds: "I'm glad I got out. There's no way I'd go back."

*HORSE'S NECK published by Faber and Faber at 3.95.

The wild ones92Who stars Roger Daltrey, left, the late Keith Moon and Townshend in 1968.

The quiet life92Pete with his book

Picture: ALAN OLLEY